Recently, Psychology Today came out with an article claiming that friendships (and meaningful work) were the key to a fulfilling life. Friendships are so important, in fact, that they ranked highest on the list. Higher even than marriage, which, interestingly enough, was ranked lowest. And yes, there were married couples surveyed in the data.
So why do we, as a society, place so much importance on the status symbol of a marriage, 2.5 kids, and a picket fence? Perhaps because this was long the norm, although the make-up of family composition has been changing in the past decade or two. What remains the same is the importance of having a tight-knit social network of friends to love and support us through the years. We were, quite literally, created for relationships—but maybe not quite the ones we picture when we think of “happily ever after.”
Growing up, young, glossy-eyed girls and boys are exposed to the fairy tale narratives perpetrated by classic Disney movies. The beautiful princess needs to be rescued, the strong prince fights the dragon to save her, kisses her, they fall in love, get married and live happily ever after. This is the narrative that’s sold to us: the key to living a fulfilling life. Kids, especially girls, start preparing their hope chests or Pinterest boards in preparation for what they’re told will be the greatest day of their lives. But if marriage isn’t the key to a fulfilling life, why is it pushed so hard? And why isn’t cultivating strong, beautiful friendships placed as a precedent over getting married and having kids? Well, that would be a topic for a whole other blog post. The point I’m trying to make today is that, just as we have this societal concept of romantic soulmates, we should also place significance on platonic soulmates. Friend soulmates.
companionship
She nourishes my soul like
no other lover like
no other relationship
ever would and
ever has;
her words like honey to
the salves of a wound and I
pity those that have no friendship
as kindred as ours.
soulmates
They don’t write fairy tales about friendships,
but they should, for my true soul mate is neither a man,
nor a lover; but rather,
my best friend, my confidant, and the only one worthy
of the crown of my true love.
I wrote these poems for my best friend, in the final chapter of my second poetry book that’s coming out on October 24. Following chapters of romance, love, and breakups, I ended The Other Crown by returning to the love that was there for me all along—maternal love and platonic love. The way I chose to end my poetry collection was purposeful. You may kiss a lot of frogs and end up with a prince charming or two (like I did), but there’s no guarantee that these relationships work out, no matter how hard you try. You don’t have to get your happily ever after the way they write about in fairy tales. Your life may be the more fulfilling because of it. You may be more fulfilled. I wanted to write a narrative that didn’t end with someone saving me. Don’t wait for someone to save you; but rather, learn to fight those dragons on your own, your friends standing by your side helping you slay them. They say soulmates must be romantic, but they don’t have to be. They don’t write fairy tales about friendships, but they should.
My second poetry book The Other Crown asks the question: how much power do women have to give up in order to fall in love? I explore themes of love, romance and sexuality as they are intertwined with the patriarchy. Questioning how I gain my power as a woman, I attempt to unwind the complicated nature of relationships, societal expectations, and the imbalance of power between the sexes. The Other Crown is a love letter to women: their love lives, their heartbreaks, and their friendships with one another.
The Other Crown is now available for pre-order on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iBooks, Google Play, Kobo, and other online bookstores! You can connect with me on Instagram or TikTok.
About the Poet
Emmanuella Hristova was born in Oakland, California and grew up in the Bay Area. She is the third daughter to Bulgarian parents who immigrated to California shortly before she was born. She began drawing at the ripe age of four and studied the fine arts for five years in high school. There, she received many art accolades including a Congressional award for her piece Boy in Red in 2009. In 2015, she received her Bachelor of Arts in Linguistics from the University of California, Berkeley. She began writing poetry at age twenty-four when she was in graduate school. She earned her Master’s in Education from the same alma mater in 2017. Emmanuella spent two years as an English teacher in Richmond, California. During that time, she self-published her first poetry collection: The Day My Kisses Tasted Like Disorder. Her poems have been published in For Women Who Roar Issue 2: Power, 365 Days of Covid, and She Rose Issue 3: The Goddess. The Other Crown is her second self-published poetry collection. Currently, she is writing her second novel while seeking literary representation for her first. She speaks English, Bulgarian, Spanish and now resides in Paris, France, where she is teaching English and learning French.
Book links:
Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CHN5JF9Y?ref_=pe_3052080_276849420
Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/books/1144051920?ean=2940179281269
iBooks: https://books2read.com/u/318BKa?store=apple&format=EBOOK
Google Play: https://play.google.com/store/books/details/Emmanuella_Hristova_The_Other_Crown?id=JkHWEAAAQBAJ
Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/fr/en/ebook/the-other-crown
Other online bookstores: https://books2read.com/u/318BKa